NEW FOUND LOVES:

-MY SECRET LIFE
-THE 60'S AND 70'S
-THE SEX PISTOLS
-THE WHOLE DRAINPIPE PUNK ERA

ENGLAND ISNT SO BAD IF YOU'RE DRUNK OUT OF YOUR MIND.

 

SO MY LIFE HAS TAKEN QUITE A TURN. LOTS OF NEW THINGS THAT'VE CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE. THIS IS JUST LEARNING THOUGH, AND I'VE LEARNT ALOT FROM MY MISTAKES THIS YEAR. MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT DRAMA. WITHOUT DRAMA, THERES NOTHING. I MAKE DRAMA. I INFLICT DRAMA ON MYSELF, SO IT GETS ME INTO TROUBLE AND I MOAN ABOUT IT LATER. BUT HEY, THE WHOLE THING IS ENTERTAINING...FROM A DISTANCE. I'VE DONE ALOT OF BAD THINGS TO ONE PERSON HERE. ITS NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TROUBLE, BUT I WANTED DRAMA. I DIDNT BELIEVE THIS 'SOMETHING' WAS HAPPENING, AND IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. NOTHING WAS GOING WRONG EXCEPT FOR ME. AND I NOW REALIZE HOW SELFISH, NAIVE, AND IGNORANT I WAS. I WAS OBLIVIOUS TO WHAT WAS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF PAST EXPERIENCE. AND I ADMIT, I WAS REALLY AFRAID.

 

ANYONE WHO'S READING THIS PROBABLY DOESNT HAVE A CLUE OF WHAT OR MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO IM TALKING ABOUT. ITS JUST A PERSON I SEE EVERY MORNING, FAKE A SMILE TO, AND PRETEND I DID NOTHING WRONG. WHEN REALLY I DID EVERYTHING WRONG.

HM, SO ANOTHER THING THATS HAPPENED, IS IM BECOMING A WORSE PERSON THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN BEFORE. NOT SO MUCH EMOTIONAL, JUST THE STUFF I DO. KAY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. WHATS BEEN GOING ON IS REALLY BAD. PEOPLE HAVE RUBBED OFF ON ME MOST DEFINITELY, BUT IM NOT DOING ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY ARE. THEY'RE JUST LIVING PROOF THERES MORE TO LIFE..EVEN IF ITS SOMETHING BAD. I GUESS WE'RE ALL GONNA GET FUCKED UP ONCE IN A POINT OF OUR LIVES, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE'RE ALL GROWING UP STILL. ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN. I HATE THE FACT THAT EVERYONE DOESNT KNOW EVERYTHNG AND I HATE IT 100 MILLION TIMES MORE WHEN PEOPLE SAY 'OH YOU'RE SO FUCKING YOUNG YOU KNOW JACK SHIT'. IT IS TRUE, I ADMIT. BUT DONT FUCKING RUB IT IN BECAUSE YOU WERE JUST AS STUPID AND FUCKED UP AS MY GENERATION.

 

I'M LIKE ONE OF THOSE ROCKER'S GIRLFRIENDS WHO'RE ALWAYS DRUNK, WITH A CIGARETTE AND A BOTTLE OF VODKA IN HER HAND. AND SHE'S ALWAYS SEEN WITH THE GUY WITH HIS ARM STREWN OVER HER SHOULDERS...SORTA LIKE KATE MOSS. PERFECT EXAMPLE. EXCEPT IM NOT THAT THIN AND PRETTY.

AND ANYHOW

WE'RE ALL LOOKING FOR SOMETHING NEW. ITS WHAT THE HUNGRY FEED ON. MY GENERATION SEARCHES THE GLOBE FOR SOMETHING WE HAVENT TRIED BEFORE. WE NEVER REFUSE INVITATION AND NEVER RESIST THE UNFAMILIAR. WE KEEP OUR MIND CLOSED, AND SUCK IN THE EXPERIENCE AND IF IT HURTS...YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS MOST PROBABLY WORTH IT. WE ALL HOPE AND DREAM AND NEVER BELIEVE THAT ANYTHING'LL HAPPEN FOR US LIKE IT DOES IN THE MOVIES. AND WHEN SOMETHING ACTUALLY DOES HAPPEN, YOU EXPECT IT TO FEEL DIFFERENT, MORE VISUAL...MORE REAL. WE SHOULD ALL BELIEVE IN PARADISE BECAUSE ITS NOT A PLACE YOU FIND, ITS A FEELING YOU FEEL FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU FIND THAT MOMENT, NOTHING'LL MAKE YOU CHANGE UNTIL YOU REALISE ITS GONNA LAST FOREVER.

 

WANNA GO HOME BECAUSE THE WORST IS THE BEST THING THAT I EVER KNEW.

 

IVE HAD ENOUGH.